I am grieving. What you can do.

My mother, Nancy Caroline Urquhart, passed away on Tuesday, February 26.

We were very close. I am grieving.

Patients and friends keep asking me what they can do. I tell them "I don't know". I what I want to say is "I want my mommy! Can you find her? Bring her to me like she was when she was vital and whole? I want to spend one more afternoon with her hiking and swimming in the hot springs and laughing and eating cookies!" But, of course, that's impossible. (Not to mention not being very mature, becoming, or professional.)

Well, I've thought of something you can do for me. Several things in fact:

- If you're lucky enough to still have a mother and father or aunt or uncle, go give them a hug and tell them you love them. Tell them a few fond memories you have of them before it's too late. Thank them for what they have done for you. Make these things a habit. Trust me, no matter how much you do this,  in the end, it will never seem like enough.

- If you have children, tell them you love them and give them a kiss. Tell them why you are proud of them. Make these things a habit. They might feel like they get enough of this after a while, but keep doing it.

- If you have grandchildren, nieces or nephews, take them out for ice cream sundaes and a movie. Spoil them in spite the hymenial cries of their parents. Make yourself part of their lives. If you don't have such little folks in your life consider "adopting" some. Teach them how to cook or fish or sew or fix the flat on a bike tire. Teach them some other things too, like how to make farting noises using your armpit and how to sing "Found a Peanut".

- If you have an old friend, call them and make a lunch date. Keep the lunch date. Find more old friends to make lunch dates with.

- If you're a voter, vote in future elections! If you're not a voter, register, then vote!

- If you have some spare change, donate it to the Nature Conservancy in my mother's name.

- If you can (you know you can), Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

- If you have space, adopt a rescue pet, even if it defies logic.

- If you have a yard or a garden, plant some flowers this spring for my mom and the bees.

So.

That's what you can do.

It would mean a lot to me (and Mom).

The Jewelry Box of Despair

A few years ago, my mom wanted me to look through her jewelry box with her. I think she wanted to show off her treasures, but also to find out if there were things I would be interested in inheriting. My mother is an octogenarian and has traveled all over the states and all over the world for that matter. One would think that making an inventory of such a jewelry box would be exciting and pleasurable, but for every treasured item, there were others that brought bad feelings. 

“These are the earrings your father bought me when he had to work instead of spending Valentine’s Day with me.” 

“This is the ring your great aunt Virginia gave me. She promised me a lot more, but then she gave everything to all the other cousins and nieces. I never forgave her for that.” 

“These earrings used to be my favorites, but as you can see, I lost one. Darn it all! I loved these earrings!”

“These are the ivory beads I can’t wear because it’s not politically correct to wear ivory anymore. The poor elephants!”

“Wow, what a bummer!” I thought to myself. I went right home to my own jewelry box. OK… truth, I have three of them plus several wall displays! I took out everything that wasn’t absolutely fantastic and gave it all to ARC. I’ve started looking at my wardrobe with the same critical eye: Does this top make me feel like an old lady? Out it goes. Are these pants not quite long enough? ARC pile. I don’t wear these jeans because they’re too big, but I love them. Take them to the tailor.

Marie Kondo is a decluttering guru on everyone’s lips lately. She has a show on Netflix that encourages people to ask “Does this item bring you joy?” If not, get rid of it. That’s her advice. Although I have trouble finding joy in the 9 volt batteries, duct tape, packing tape, cello tape and bank statements in my office, I certainly can sure see her point in regards to my wardrobe, jewelry box, and artwork. 

If a material possession reminds you of a sad event or makes you feel bad about yourself: get rid of it! If you’re keeping a thing because it’s a family heirloom, everyone else has one, or it was a gift: think of the cost of keeping it. There’s cost of it taking up space in your basement or closet. There’s a cost of displaying something that makes you feel guilty or angry. There’s cost of wearing something that makes you feel fat or unstylish. There’s cost of even seeing an object that brings up negative feelings over and over. Don’t feel guilty about getting rid of a gift from a friend that wasn’t quite right. Don’t feel guilty about chucking a box of old photos that mean nothing to you. Free up your space and free up your mind! 

I should tie this back to Chinese medicine, huh? Alright, the Liver processes all emotions negative and positive. However, negative emotions cause Liver Qi stagnation. That means the energy of the body does not flow freely as it’s supposed to do. That leads to emotional stress, neck tension, poor digestion. Think of all the stress that’s caused looking for the “right” black turtleneck if you’ve got 5 black turtlenecks. Think of the sadness caused by keeping a lone earring that just makes you feel bad about the loss of its mate.

Go home, open your jewelry box. Make it a jewelry box of joy instead of despair. 

_________________________________________________________________________

Left Hand Community Acupuncture offers an affordable sliding scale of $40-$65. We do not ask for proof of income. You decide what you feel is fair to you and fair to us. We treat patients in a relaxed, group setting that promotes an atmosphere of healing. Caroline Adams is a Licensed 
Acupuncturist and nationally board certified. Acupuncture can help with a wide range of health
 issues including pain, stress, insomnia, arthritis, allergies, depression, headaches, fatigue, cold and flu, digestive issues, PMS, and many other health concerns. 

http://lefthandacu.com  
 720-378-6090